


Its Something Special

by Theotherlostgirl



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Enhanced Reader, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Light Angst, Multi, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie) - Freeform, Pre-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Reader-Insert, Slow Burn, Super Soldier Serum, Super Solider Reader, reader - Freeform, through time
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-01-01 06:12:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18330230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theotherlostgirl/pseuds/Theotherlostgirl
Summary: Most of your life you were owned by organizations who just wanted to use you as a tool. They trained you and conditioned you into what they needed most at the time. But when you're no longer what they need they just lock you away. What happens when the Avengers find you while they're clearing out Hydra locations? How will the team feel about another super solider who is also enhanced?





	1. Freedom

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing anything like this, but basically I've been reading a lot of Stucky x Reader fics and wanted to read something like this. I couldn't find it so here you go. I'm also trying to make it natural as to how they fall into bed/love so it might take awhile, or not, I don't know. I'm also rating it as mature mostly because I don't think I'd be very good at the extremely descriptive sex scenes, but who knows...
> 
> Leave comments/criticisms, I'm open to it all!

"Your freedom for their lives." Your instructor explained calmly.

In the glass room in front of you ten girls, some maybe even only a few years old, sat patiently waiting. You remembered the room. Its where they brought you when you first arrived here sixteen years ago. Although these weren't new recruits, you knew some of these girls. You yourself have trained some.

"I...can't..." You whispered and lowered your head, but you did not miss the smirk that rose on her thin rose painted lips.

You expected punishment or even death. You heard the gun shots from the other rooms facing the glass. You thought this was your end, but even with that knowledge you could not take the lives of those girls. Your freedom would just have to come in your death you decided.

"We finally have one. Hydra owes the Red Room. We had to kill over seven trained assassins for what you were looking for." She sneered at someone in the corner.

"You have won your freedom from us. But now Hydra owns you. Get up, the Solider will take you to you knew home."

You knew better than to question her. Instead you followed her out of the holding room and into the hallway. The man waiting there was dressed in all black, but what caught your eye was the silver arm adorned with the red star. You've heard the stories. You knew who this was, The Winter Solider, Hydra's greatest asset. You wanted to run, maybe death was the best answer here. But you knew if you disobeyed they wouldn't allow you the escape of death, at least not immediately. The Solider handed a brief case to your instructor and turned to you.

"I have been ordered to bring you back to base, will you comply or will force be necessary?" He asked plainly.

Your instructor scoffed and walked off with the brief case. You took a deep breath and unclenched your teeth trying to calm yourself, "I will come willingly, no need for force."

He lead you down the hallway and out a door the Room used to send you on missions. You had come through this door many times, most times wearing the the blood of some person The Red Room or their partners wanted killed. Not far down the road was a black car with two other men inside. You wondered again if you could run, but shook the idea immediately and got into the car. The two men talked, but never addressed you. The drive seemed painfully long.

After hours of driving the vehicle pulled into an area surrounded by gates with barbed wire atop of them. It looked like a military installation, but you knew this was Hydra. The Solider then lead you down corridors and you tried to remember every path. Maybe you could escape once they trusted you enough to let you go on missions.

The room you entered was white, the door was thick metal that bolted from the outside, and the only thing in the room besides what looked like medical supplies was a chair attached to computers. Behind the chair were large metal rod like structures.

"Sit." The solider ordered.

With hesitation you sat in the chair and the moment your arms hit the rests metal clamps secured you to it. The Solider looked pained, like he knew what was coming. Panic set deep inside you, but you knew fighting was useless. An order was barked in Russian at the Solider and he left the room. You're not sure where the man came from, you thought you identified all the exits in the room, but he just appeared out of nowhere.

"We're glad to have you here! Its been weeks since we sent word to The Red Room about what we were looking for. They were certain they had it and here you are!" He nearly sang that last part.

As he gathered needles filled with a bright blue liquid he spoke again, "I know you must be wondering what we wanted a person who did what you did, but it is simple. We tried the serum on trained agents of our mind set, but they went a little...well...insane. We figured it must be something about the person since the serum enhances you as a being. You could say its something special."

He paused as he set the needles into clamps and others came into the room. He handed off the full clamps to the four others in the room and continued, "The first was considered a golden boy, he was chosen despite being weak and sickly only for his character. He was an enhanced version of himself, too bad that version is now lost in ice at the bottom of the ocean. The second, you've met. Similar to the first, but we've made a few altercations to get rid of that nasty need to be a hero."

The others in the room positioned themselves at your limbs and the man talking to you was at your chest with the last set of syringes in their clamps.

"From what we understand we need someone who put others first, someone who fought for others at least mostly. Which you and the other seven initially met our requirements. You all sacrificed yourself to The Red Room for someone else. But we wanted to make sure even after all the training they gave you retained that seed of good. No one else did except you. It is unfortunate that this required The Red Room to kill the others, they had such potential."

"Well do you have any questions? Actually it doesn't matter, three two one!" He laughed and the needles were plunged into your body. The serum felt thick and the searing pain came next. Your whole body felt like it was being ripped apart and haphazardly thrown back together. You bit back a scream, but eventually it was too much and your cries filled the small room. You're not sure when the pain subsided or when you closed your eyes. But once you opened them the only person looking back at you was the first man who entered.

"You'll forget all that pain in just a few moments dear. Everything will be so much easier after this!"

The bars behind the chair dropped towards your body and secured themselves around your head. The man set a mouth guard in front of you. "Come on now, open up. We don't want those pretty teeth to break." Instead you tested the metal around your wrists and legs. They creaked as you pushed against them and the man laughed a full belly laugh.

"We can have the Solider come hold you down if you would prefer. But it would be so much easier if you just opened up." The man sneered. Not feeling anymore give in the metal, you broke and opened your mouth.

You heard the electricity before you felt it. Then the only things that mattered were the words this man spoke: **Freedom. Alone. Death. Reborn. Seventy. Frozen. Nine. Debut. Seven. Field.**

The last thing you remember before everything went blank is standing in a field at the age of seven. Your friend followed a pretty lady there who promised something magical. When you found her she was on the ground, still breathing, but a gun was being pointed at her. The woman told you that she would spare her life if you came with her. She told you what The Red Room was and what you would be trained to do, but you didn't hesitate, you took the woman's hand and that was it.

"Ready to comply?" you heard a voice.

"I am ready to comply."


	2. Reprecussions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whether it was to kill, gather intel, or whatever else they needed Hydra used you to infiltrate quietly. Most missions you would be extracted and reset immediately, but there were some cases that required more time. Hydra knew you had a habit of trying to run whenever you weren't reset often enough. But your memories were still incomplete and vague. You had no idea they'd catch you, you thought you'd be free.

Hydra used you much like The Red Room did. You're appearance made it easy to fool men and women alike to let you into their safest places. You could get in and out more quietly than The Solider could and Hydra capitalized on it. Countless people died by your hand in order to further Hydra's control.

The most current target was a supreme court justice who you had fallen to your charms. This mission was months in the making, he spoke to you about your future children and making the world better for them. He believed you were the one.

Hydra wanted his vote to favor their cause, so months before the vote was to be made they sent you into his favorite coffee shop. It was easy enough to get his attention, all you did was run into him with a full cup of his favorite tea. Hydra made you his perfect match. They trained you on his likes and dislikes. Within just a few weeks you were given a drawer in his home.

You kept him from interacting with those who would change his mind and kept him on the idea that Hydra knew what was right. This was an easy mission, no killing, just mind games.

Today was the day for the big vote. The end of your mission here and you'd be back in Hydra's hands, reset and used for whatever else they felt necessary. You hadn't been reset since this mission began and things have started to slip through. Feelings have felt more real and memories have started to plague your sleep.

While the memories were fuzzy and incomplete you knew that you hadn't had a life free of someones control for most of your life. You had no attachments, you had no life outside of being some organizations tool to further their agenda. You wanted out and you knew tonight would be perfect.

You and John were getting ready for your respective days. You, as far as he knew had a lecture to give at the university. And he and his colleagues were going to make the big vote today.

"After work today do you want to go out?" You asked innocently slipping into your pencil skirt.

"That sounds wonderful. This vote is going to change the US for the better, it will be great to celebrate."

"Would you help zip me up?" You wiggled your hips towards him. He kissed your shoulder as he does so and a part of you feels bad for the man.

His hands wandered around your waist as he peppered your skin with kisses, "Where'd you go sweetheart?"

"Just enjoying this." You murmured leaning into his touch so he wouldn't be suspicious.

He hummed into your shoulder and then his alarm went off. He sighed, "I should get going. I'll see you tonight hun. Oh! Would you wear the red dress I bought for you last week?"

You shooed him out the door reassuring you'd wear whatever he liked. You knew even without your plan to escape you wouldn't make it to the dinner tonight. Hydra planned to fake your death and blame it on the enemy to further cement the justice's faith in Hydra.

You undressed and slipped on a pair of jeans and a black hoodie. Clothes you could blend in well with. You held a knife in the sleeve of the hoodie and the other weapons along with cash you took from your "lover" were stuffed in a backpack.

The phone call from your handler was unexpected. You were supposed to be rigging the house to blow right now, they weren't supposed to distract you.

"Huntress, mission status."

"Target just left. I am places the charges now." You lie.

"You have an hour and we'll be there for extraction." He tells you then hangs up.

An hour to get away. An hour to finally be free. You step out of the back of the home with a bundle of charges just in case they're watching. You set up a few until you are out of view of the cameras then slip through the fence.

You make your way to the road and stay away from street lights trying to avoid any cameras. The city center isn't far from here and you know if you make it there you can slip away. There are enough people gathered in DC today to make hiding in plain sight easy.

You're trying to remain inconspicuous so you don't run. It feels too easy, you're almost free. That is until you turn a corner and you see him, The Winter Solider. You had vague memories of working with him in the past, but you knew its been awhile.

People were walking by you as if nothing was happening. They were oblivious two assassins standing so close to them. The Solider looked down into a grate between you and you followed his eye line until you saw the red blinking light. You knew the explosion wouldn't kill you or him, but everyone else walking by would be dead.

He walked toward you and you didn't even try to run. His metal arm gripped your elbow and he pulled you along.

"How did they know?" You asked.

No answer.

"The least you could do is tell me how they knew! You're already dragging me back to them and I'll fucking forget it all!" You sneered at him. You watched his jaw clench and his grip tightened.

"You don't want to make a scene. The bomb is still there." He said. His voice always surprised you, it was softer than you expected. You knew underneath whatever bullshit Hydra shoved in him he was good.

You shot one last shot, hoping you could be free, maybe both of you could be free. "Just run with me. Together they'll never find us." 

He faltered for a second and you almost believed he'd take your offer, but instead he kept moving. He took you into a building and shoved you into a room. The door shut loudly behind you and you crumpled to the floor. You knew everything you remembered would be ripped way from you.

When the door opened again your handler walked through with the Solider. You got up and went to lunge at him more out of anger than anything, but The Solider caught you by the neck. You slammed your fist into his elbow and kicked him square in the chest. He shot back, but before you could do anything else two darts hit your neck. The tranquilizer worked quickly and you were out.

When you woke up you were strapped to the chair again. They could have wiped your memories while you were passed out, but you knew they liked watching you suffer, watching you forget.

"I know you were expecting to be reset already, but the real punishment just arrived and after we'll bring you back to your true self, our little weapon." Your handler told you.

A few men in white lab coats brought in a cart covered with a white cloth. There was a slight blue glow underneath the cloth. Another man entered after them and uncovered the object.

The man ordered the others, excluding your handler, to go into the viewing room and he pushed the weapon in front of you. "We obtained this from a visiting being. When he used it on people it made them obedient and incredibly strong. Unfortunately we don't know what the effects are when it is unmanned, but we have found that it is giving off a similar energy signature to an artifact we once had."

Your handler's smile grew and the blue stone glowing from the weapon was set in front of your fingers. You felt the warmth from the stone and you tried to move your fingers from it. Blue wisps of energy reached out towards you, but never touched you.

Your handler and the man walked out of the room shutting the large metal door behind them. You heard the pressure seals engage and you knew you wouldn't be able to escape. Tears welled in your eyes and the mans voice came through the intercom.

"Huntress, touch the stone."

Unable to do much else you set your fingers on the bright blue stone. Your fingers met the stone in the scepter for a second and the stone shined a bright blue. You wretched your hand back with such force that the scepter was knocked to the floor and the metal holding you to the chair cracked open. You went to get up, but the energy within you pulsed and you fell to your knees in pain.

After a few moments you noticed the blue energy resting in your hands. It seemed to surround them, you pushed it around you and it engulfed your body lifting you from the floor. It was pure power and once you realized this you shot it at the steel door. You heard the voice yelling at you through the intercom, but you were focused on freedom.

Something, no, someone launched themselves at you knocking you to the ground. The Soldiers hands pushed your shoulders to the concrete floor, trying to pin you beneath his body.

"We can leave together. I can...I can get us out." You pleaded, but he didn't move you heard others enter the room.

"I don't want to hurt you. But I can't stay here...."

You shoved him off hard enough to toss him off of you and to the other side of the room, but not enough to kill him. You focused your attention back to the door. And unleashed two blue rays of energy from your body. The door started to give, loud cracks rang through the room as the metal snapped.

You didn't even notice the first two tranquilizer darts, but after three more entered your body, you collapsed. You fought to stay conscious. The blue field of energy around you faltered and the man came up to you once more.

"She's not out yet Strucker, be cafeful!" Your handler shouted.

Strucker took your jaw in one of his hands and smiled at you. "Fuck...you..." You hissed and then you were out.

As much as Hydra hated losing an asset, they knew whatever happened to you was more important than you could ever be. Samples and scans were taken before you were put into cryo. They knew they could make this work, but they'd need someone on their side to do it voluntarily.


	3. Found

Tony hated admitting it, but he watched the video of Bucky crashing his parent's car too many times. He never finished it, never watched them die. He wasn't sure if it was to fuel the small amount of hatred he still had for the ex-assassin or something else, but he couldn't stop himself most times.

He knew that it wasn't Bucky's fault, especially after everything they've come across since defeating Thanos. Records of Hydra just seemed to pop up out of nowhere and onto his desk.

But today was a bad day, things didn't go right, Pepper was angry with him. He plopped himself into his chair and the video started. Something made him pause to look at the container filled with the serum this time. He noticed the rise to one of the packs. There were two in one slot.

He was calling for Bucky and Steve before he even realized it. He blew up the picture onto a screen and had F.R.I.D.A.Y search through the records for any other super solider experiments.

Steve arrived in the lab first, concerned when he saw the picture. "Tony...he doesn't need to be here for this..."

"Its not about that, Cap. I just..." Tony tried to find a reason he'd be watching this again, but just sighed and kept reading through what F.R.I.D.A.Y was bringing up.

Bucky entered quietly, he had developed a relationship with most of the other Avengers, but Tony and he were...well...on talking terms.

"Alright Frosty. I know your memory isn't great, but the trunk you took had six serum bags. Zemo killed the five, do you know where the last one could be, if it was even used?"

Bucky looked at Steve and clenched his jaw. He could picture your face in his head.

"Buck?" "She's in a cryo cell in a Hydra facility south of DC. At least that's the last place I saw her."

"Wait. She? They were actually using her," Tony gaped.

"Something about starting the vote to get the hellicarries up, she was here to ensure a specific vote was made. She tried to run and they sent," Bucky paused and took a breath, "they sent the Winter Solider after her."

Tony started up the search for buildings built in the area that Hydra could have used to house themselves. "Be ready once I find it, we'll go deal with her."

"Tony, she could be like Bucky. The others were locked up even before they were sent on missions. She was trusted to go out and follow orders," Steve tried to reason.

"That's what I'm afraid of."

It took a week to find a building that was similar to previous Hydra bases. Tony, Steve, Bucky, Wanda, and Vision were on the quinjet to the location. The base was abandoned and it seemed like it had been for at least a few years. Vision was tasked with gathering whatever information he could from the buildings computers. The others were to clear the base and find you.

After they made sure the base was empty, Bucky lead the group to the door that looked like it was being burned through. Red slips of energy pushed it open and in the corner they heard the hum of the cryo cell's generator. Wanda peered within and saw you.

"She's in there. She hasn't been let out since..." Wanda paused looking in the your memories. She saw the scepter, the same object that gave her her powers. "The scepter was used on her."

"What do you mean Wanda? Frosty what aren't you telling us?"

Bucky sighed and closed his eyes trying to remember that day, "She was punished for trying to run. They just got the thing and wanted to know what it did. What she did...its like....Carol or Wanda. I don't know..."

Steve looked to Wanda and asked, "Is she like the others or...?"

"I think Shuri can help her too," Wanda answered seeing the struggle you went through before being frozen.

Tony cursed, but trusted Wanda. Thus began the debate of whether or not to take you in the cryo cell to Wakanda or let you out here then take you.

"We don't know what we're bringing to Wakanda, and that's not fair to them. At least if we let her out we know what state shes in, and I can talk her down if need be." Bucky finally spoke through the others talking.

"Buck its probably safer..."Bucky cut Steve off, "If shes hasn't been out since being put in getting her out here, showing her that Hydra is gone, it will help."

Tony started working on override codes to get the cell to open while the team positioned themselves around the room just in case they were needed. Bucky stood near the cell waiting for it to open.

Your first breath burned like fire in your lungs. The lights in the room were dim and it smelled like mildew, with each breath you felt how stale the air was. You noticed the dust and how it laid on every surface, covering it in a fine layer. You saw him next. He was different, he seemed softer, but still dressed in his typical black. The Red star was gone now though, you reached out to touch it without realizing.

"How long?" You spoke, barely above a whisper.

"Its been awhile, doll. But we came to break you out." His smile was contagious, but then your brain finally caught onto the word, we. You looked around the room and saw the four other people. Your smile fell and you felt the power drift from your fingers up towards your arms.

"Woah, hey doll. This, they aren't Hydra. I promise we're here to help." His hands touched your shoulders gently and the blue energy slipped away.

"What happened?"

"It looks like they tested the scepter on you to see if what it would do. Then after you got that blue glow, went off to do other tests on less murder prone subjects." The red and gold metal man spoke.

"And they just left me here..." It wasn't a question. The Solider took your hand and gave it a small squeeze. It was comforting, but so odd. The last time you saw him he was so stoic, Hydra had him fully under their control. But this person holding your hand now, seemed so free. You squeezed back and then released his hand.

"Well if you are here to break me out, I guess we should get going. And on the way to where ever someone can explain all the things I've missed while I was on ice. But if any of you are Hydra I'll kill you all." You smiled and headed for the door.

"That went better than I thought it would." Wanda giggled and followed you out with the others close behind.


	4. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky, Steve, and you make it to Wakanda. You still feel as though Hydra has you under their control. Habits built from years of torture are hard to break, especially when you don't know who you would be without The Red Room or Hydra. These few days in Wakanda bring huge change for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I am so sorry that this chapter took forever to put up. I've had some personal stuff come up and just haven't been able to write. I'm going to try and post more frequently. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and commenting I really appreciate it!

The plane ride to Wakanda was eventful. Bucky was explaining why he left out the blue glowing parts of you while Wanda took to telling you about well everything. She also got you into a new outfit and brought you some food. Vision helped fill in pieces of her story and you quickly noticed the small intimate touches between them. You also realized that at some point everyone had changed into more comfortable clothing. They all seemed so close knit, it was refreshing, but also nerve wracking. You couldn't help, but wonder how you'd fit into this mashed together group. 

"Your power is different than mine. It seems more like Carol's, just pure energy." Wanda stated pulling you from your thoughts. 

"Carol is the other Captain, right? Where did she get her powers? Did Hydra get her too?" 

"No, I think it was an engine that blew up near her. Its a long story. You'll meet her soon though."

Steve walked over followed by The Solider, who you now knew as Bucky. "How are you feeling? I hope Wanda's filled you in on what you've missed."

"I think this is the best I've been in a long time, Cap. And Wanda has given me quiet the story, kinda glad I missed it all." You admitted and they all smiled. 

"It has been a rough few years," Bucky said clapping a hand onto Steve's shoulder. "I mean I was only involved in bits and pieces, but fuck it's been rough." 

"Langauge," Wanda chidded mockingly and Steve's eyes nearly rolled out of his head. 

Everyone talked and gave you knew insights on what happened while you were in cryo, even Tony would shout back occasionally to add to the story. Bucky talked about getting away from Hydra and told you about how Shuri helped remove the programming Hydra instilled. Wanda and Vision wandered off at some point and it was just the three of you sitting near the back of the jet. You watched the two men interact and how easily they talked. You tried to remember a time when you were so carefree, but came up blank.

By the time you arrived it was late. Steve and Bucky were the only ones staying with you, the other three were headed back to the compound. The king, T'Challa, offered you all food and then escorted you to rooms. He was smiles and laughs with the boys at dinner, but didn't really seem to acknowledge you. Its not like you were trying to interact much anyway. The room you were given was across from Bucky's, T'Challa told you that Steve's room was just down the hallway. He still seemed so stern with you, but you chalked it up to having a probably unstable known murderer walking around his home. 

You said your thank yous to him and then closed the door to your room behind you. The room was fairly large and had a huge window with the most breath taking view of Wakanda. All you could see though was an escape if necessary, you weren't too sure if you could fly with your glow, but you knew you could climb down in a pinch. Next you started going through drawers and checking to see if there were any cameras or mics in the room. You found a few changes of clothes and shoes, but nothing else of interest. 

Its not that you wanted to escape, but all this was routine. It made you feel safe knowing you had a way out just in case shit went down. Once you were content with your surroundings you decided to shower and get ready for bed. The warm water felt like heaven against your skin. You remembered the justice's house and how once you were staying over a few nights a week you always used his shower. Hydra's facilities weren't meant for comfort at least not for their weapons, so when you came back to them during that mission, it was cold water, bland food, and lots of chains. 

After you dried off you slipped on the cotton shorts and a t-shirt. You were basically on auto pilot at this point and you laid in the bed pulling the blankets around your body. This whole thing felt surreal. It felt like another mission Hydra sent you on, but there were no parameters, there was nothing to go on. You flopped onto your back and tried to relax. You wondered if this is what Bucky felt like once he got away. You had half the mind to go ask him, but you didn't want to intrude. You ended up forcing yourself to sleep, telling yourself you didn't know when you'd get a good nights rest again. It was partially true, but you just didn't want to be alone with the thoughts in your head. 

You woke up in a cold sweat, gasping for air. You couldn't remember the dream, at least not fully. You knew it had to do with arriving at Hydra all those years ago, the torture they put you through for months to get you to be a walking weapon. You ran your hands over your scalp, tugging on your hair a bit, trying to ground yourself. 

"You're safe. They're gone." You mumbled.

Once you calmed down you glanced at the clock, 4:50 am. It was early, but there was no way you could go back to sleep now. You riffled through the clothes and pulled on a pair of stretchy tight black pants, socks, and shoes. You took a breath and opened the door to your room, glancing down both sides of the hallway before stepping out and shutting the door. You didn't know where you were going, but sitting in that room till someone came to get you was not an option. Intent on finding a gym or somewhere you could let off some energy you headed down the hallway towards Steve's room. 

"Hey! You okay?" A familiar voice called. It was Bucky, dressed in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt that clung to his body. 

"Can't sleep. Figured I'd wander around till I found a gym."

"No need to wander, I was headed there anyway." 

You followed him down the hallway into an elevator and to an empty gym. He immediately went to the punching bag. You hopped onto a treadmill and hoped you could run without your brain shouting memories at you. But there was no talking and it felt all too familiar. Like you were back in a Hydra compound waiting for orders and when the door to the gym opened you half expected your trigger words to fall out of the person's mouth. You braced yourself for it not paying attention to your feet under you and was basically launched off the treadmill. Steve caught you before you fell, but the adrenaline rush from it triggered a memory. 

You couldn't have been more than 7 or 8, but you were running and someone was yelling at you. Your foot caught on the brick and you skidded onto the floor scrapping your shins and palms, blood started oozing out of the wounds. Before you could even get up you were smacked in the face by a tall blond woman.

"Y/N, when an order is given you are meant to follow it. I guess you need to be shown how to follow orders still." 

You weren't sure what orders you were meant to be following, but that wasn't what left you gasping for air. It was your name. You didn't know it until now. Hydra always addressed you as Huntress, nothing more. You noticed Steve was supporting you and Bucky was saying something, but you were still caught in the memory. 

"Y/N" you whispered barely audible. 

"Y/N. Is that...is that your name?" Bucky asked his hands still on you. 

You nodded and Steve helped you sit down. Bucky brought you some water and you all just sat there for a few minutes. No one asked questions, no one tried to pry anything from you. They just sat with you making sure you were okay. You assured them that you were fine and after a few minutes of you convincing them you all got to your work outs. You noticed how they watched you though, you knew it should feel unnerving, but it didn't it felt comforting. 

The workout lasted for about an hour and a half before someone came in to let you all know breakfast would be ready soon. Bucky walked you back to your room and said he would walk you to the breakfast area so you don't need to wander. You quickly showered and put new clothes on. Breakfast went without any interruptions from your scrambled brain and Shuri lead you to her lab with Bucky and Steve following, 

"So, I read the file that Hydra had on you." She started not facing you, she was grabbing a few papers. She turned and looked you up and down. "Unlike Bucky, we don't actually know if your trigger words will actually trigger anything." 

"What do you mean?" Steve asked for the three of you. 

"Well, when she touched the infinity stone and tried to break out they tried to use them, but she didn't listen. It could've been the adrenaline, but it is the mind stone, it may have healed parts of her brain." Shuri was rifling through the stack of papers as she spoke and then handed Steve the papers she was looking for. 

"So, what does that mean?" Bucky asked glancing at you. 

"Well, if its okay with Y/N, we test them." The words sent a cold sweat down your back. Bucky reached out and touched your arm, he was now fully facing you and searching your face for any response. But you hid your fear well, you both were trained too. 

You took a deep breath and looked at the two super soldiers in front of you, "Yeah, that seems like the best plan here." 

Bucky looked like he was going to argue, but Steve just gave him a look and he sighed, he knew it was the only option too. 

You pulled up a chair and sat down facing the three of them. You hands were gripping the edge of the armrests almost too tightly, but you gave them all a smile, "There's only one way to find out if I'm still mind controlled, so lets get on with it." 

"Would you do the honors Buck?" You asked leaning back in the chair, trying to feign confidence. He let out of breath and walked forward. He stood in front of you, his face was still, emotionless. It was like he was The Solider again. You smirked up at him and tapped his boot with yours. You both were terrified, but you both were leaning hard into the training Hydra forced on you. 

"Freedom. Alone. Death. Reborn. Seventy. Frozen. Nine. Debut. Seven. Field." The words fell easily from his lips and you felt the effects immediately. It was like a fog slowly creeping into your mind, erasing your consciousness and leaving only what Hydra needed behind . Your hands moved to your face and you pushed the palms of your hands into the sides of your head gripping your hair trying to will away the haziness. 

As your adrenaline increased the blue wisps of energy flowed out engulfing your body and lifting you from the chair. The only noise coming from you was your rapid breathing. Your jaw clenched and your hands were still pushing into your head. Then just as quickly as the fog set in it disappeared and you were bombarded with memories. 

As the assault of memories ended the blue glow faded and you fell, Bucky rushed to catch you before you hit the floor. You felt warmth, not really knowing who it was, and leaned into the ridged body. A cold hand wiped your cheek, apparently you were crying. You felt drained, like you had just been fighting for hours. Your breathing slowed to a normal pace and you realized you were basically sitting in Bucky's lap. 

He wasn't looking at you with pitty, but with understanding. Steve and Shuri kept their distance, you felt like it was out of respect. They didn't know the feeling, they knew at least Bucky could. You fought every instinct to pull away and shove your walls up. Instead you leaned into the man holding you.

"Can we go lie down?" You whispered not even looking up. He didn't answer and effortlessly lifted you from the floor. Steve said something to Bucky before he walked out with you and you could feel his head nod. 

You wondered if he'd understand any of the memories. Hell you could barely understand them yourself. You knew they were from your early time with Hydra, but the memories felt like you wee watching someone else. They didn't feel real. You didn't want them to be real. You could feel the tears welling up in your eyes and you just pushed your face into Bucky's shoulder. 

Your training wanted you to run and hide your emotions. But you knew deep down you had a human side and this was part of letting her out. 

You knew you had to fight everything they taught you, to find out who you really are.


	5. Personhood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Routines and unlearning things that Hydra taught you leads to figuring out who you want to be. With the help of your two super soldiers things start to feel normal, that is until they don't.

_You envied him. You didn't even know his name, but you would watch them bring him in after each mission, wipe him, and stick him in cryo. You wanted that. To not remember what they were having you do. To forget the pain they had you cause at least for a little bit. But the missions you went on required you to remember until they decided you were finished. You pulled against the chains they had you in and screamed. The shock stick jammed into your side just as the man looked at you as they walked by._

_"Doll" he said too quietly. You were confused, his voice was so soft._

_He turned towards you and his hands were now on you, "Doll, its not real, you gotta wake up."_

You woke up to Bucky leaning over you and automatic reaction took over. You quickly rolled your body on top of his, your left hand sliding onto his neck, your right glowing reared back and ready to punch. Luckily you realized where you were before you hurt him. He didn't look angry or even surprised.

"Oh god. I am so sorry." You gaped and brought your hands to cover your face.

"Don't worry about it. Steve had to deal with the same thing for longer than both of us would have liked." Bucky chuckled and you realized you were still straddling him. He shifted under you and moved your hands from your face. His hands held your wrists gently in front of you.

"You know I used to hate you." You told him looking at your hands, trying to memorize the look of his metal fingers wrapped around your wrist.

"I'm sure a lot of people can share that sentiment"

"It was early on. I thought you were lucky, at least your memories got wiped immediately. It took a few years for my brain to catch up and realize the only ones I should be hating was Hydra, and once that happened I kept trying to escape when things got clear enough." You smiled at the end of your sentence.

"They can erase memories, but not feelings seems like. I can't tell you how fucking confused I was when I first heard Steve say my name." His fingers had started rubbing circles in your wrists.

"Does it get better? The memories of what they had us do."

"Not for me, at least not yet. I mean it gets easier knowing you had no choice, but your memories can't change just because of that. Watching your own hands cause so much pain..." He drifted off glancing down at your hands in his.

"At least we aren't alone. Thank you for getting me out of the ice box."

"No problem, doll. Its us and Stevie. His plucky optimism is kind of contagious." His smile returned and he rolled you off of him to slip out of the bed. He offered you his hand, "Come on lets get you some food and see what Shuri's little experiment told her about your scrambled brain."

"Sounds like a plan, Buck."

The next few days seemed to flow together between Shuri rewiring your brain and figuring out how to live a life without orders. It helped that Steve kept you on a schedule otherwise you're sure that you'd have gone fully insane. Your favorite part of Steve's schedule was what Bucky called your "develop a personality hour". It was more than an hour and as days went on Steve seemed to let the schedule slip more and more allowing you to decide what to do and when. During that time you hung out with Shuri and Okoye, who was bascially just there to try and kill you if you went haywire.

Shuri shared the internet with you and Okoye couldn't help but join in on the laughing fits you two were having. It was slow going, but you ended up developing a friendship with the seasoned warrior. She would often tell you that you were much more fun than Bucky.

You tried to spend your time with as many people as would allow you to, but most were too scared or too busy for you to bother, so you ended up with Bucky and Steve a lot of the time. The two were using this time to relax and destress. Steve still helped with strategies and whatnot when Tony called, but other than that he would show you and Bucky things that were missed when you both were being used as weapons.

The only unfortunate part of the unwiring was how quickly the memories came back. You had nightmares every night, whether it was about being tortured by Hydra or the Red Room or you killing someone for them. You ended up knocking on Bucky's door, not really sure what you were asking for. Without words he led you to his bed and allowed you to try and hide yourself in his body. Within a few nights you weren't even sleeping in your own room at all which Bucky seemed to forget to mention to Steve which is why you were in the situation you were in now.

Bucky's arms were wrapped tightly around you, his metal hand holding you to his chest, his face resting inches from yours, legs tangled together. The position was more than just intimate, you knew how easy it would be to shift and touch your lips to his and every night it seemed to get harder to not want to. Tonight was no different, he was close to falling asleep, you could feel his grip loosen the tinniest bit as he drifted off more and more. You didn't know if Bucky felt the same so there was no way you'd make the first move especially not while he was sleeping. You were starring, you wondered if he knew how often you starred at him. well him and Steve. It felt unfair how pretty the two of them were. You sighed and shifted down to rest your head underneath his chin hoping sleep would find you soon.

Not long after you heard a click,even your sleep hazed brain recognized it as the door. Bucky's arm tightened around you and you knew he heard it too. "Steve?" he whispered his voice was still heavy with sleep.

"Uh hey." You heard the all too familiar voice say quietly.

Bucky pulled you to the other side of the bed and patted the now empty spot. Steve waited to see if you would protest, but when nothing came he slipped into the bed and hesitantly wrapped an arm around your waist.

"Hey Stevie, nice of you to join our cuddlefest." you greeted shifting a little to smile at him. His arm tightened around your waist and he let out a small chuckle.

After that night the both of you ended up in Bucky's bed. You weren't sure how your weren't spontaneously combusting being sandwiched between the two every night. Every shower you took from then on ended up being a cold shower, it was incredibly difficult to hide how much you wanted the two of them. But you felt like you were hiding it pretty well especially comparing your friendship with them to their own friendship. They were just as touchy feely with each other as they were with you, you couldn't count how many times you'd walk into the rec room and find one of them with the others feet or head resting on the others lap. So when they offered the same spots to you, you took them without hesitation.

You knew it was more intimate than what normal friends would do, but you didn't want to think anything more of it. There was no way they meant these things to be intimate, at least not towards you, it made no sense that both of them would want you romantically.

The first time Steve kissed your forehead you could feel your heart trying to pound right out of your chest and Bucky didn't even give it time to calm down because after Steve left you his lips pressed in the same spot. You could have sworn you died.

"You alright, doll?" Bucky asked still holding you and you felt like melting.

"Yeah, yeah. Just taken aback. Touch, well, that kind of touch is still new." You mumbled looking at his chest. You knew it was partly a lie, but it was also true. You've never had someone kiss _you_ , it was always when you were pretending to be someone else.

"Doll, we should have asked, I'm so sorry." He quickly apologized and you felt his hands dropping from you, so you reacted quickly pulling yourself to him.

"No! I liked it." You assured too quickly and stepped up on your tip toes to press a kiss to his cheek. Before he could react you were hurrying down the hall, blushing fervently. Acting on your own will for romantic advances were also new and incredibly exciting. You wondered if you could catch up to Steve and kiss his cheek too. The innocence of it all had you rolling your eyes especially since earlier that morning your brain conjured up images of them fucking you hard into the bed you now all share.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long...
> 
> My parents were visiting us for a month and they constantly wanted to be doing something, so I didn't really have time to sit down and write. BUT they are gone and I would like to churn some more chapters of this thing out, so I'll do my best to post once a week from now on! :)


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